Being
at the summit also implies summary—I can benefit from
writing an account of what I learned from the long, steep climb to
reach this summit. Since the Lord has been my Master Teacher for most
of my life, I should have learned a lot. Early in my life, I decided
I would try to evaluate my journey as I went along to be sure I had
the right goals in view, and that my life-ladder was leaning against
the right house that God wanted to build of my life.
I’ve
tried to live the examined life, which Plato said was the only life
worth living. I didn’t want to arrive at my chronological top of
the mountain with a backpack full of regrets, nor view the other side
of the mountain with disillusionment, despair, or dread. At
intervals, at least once a year, I've tried to set aside some time
to ask myself specific, searching questions and write in a journal.
My answers aren’t meant for anyone to see but God, the Searcher of
hearts.
I
wish I had begun that self-evaluation practice earlier. Had I done so
and continued it more regularly I could have prevented some detours
for which I do have regrets. However, I don’t focus on those now. I
repented of them, confessed them, turned from them and believe that
God has forgiven me. I keep moving on. Among the questions I've asked
myself are:
Do
I know God’s purpose for my life? What talents, capabilities,
skills and gifts has God given me to carry out that purpose? What
have been my specific life goals? Are they realistic, measurable, and
attainable? Am I certain they are God’s goals for me to
pursue? Have I been achieving my potential based on resources and
opportunities God has given me? What real or imagined obstacles have
I faced? What are my current limitations? Can I do anything about
them? To what degree have I come to terms with them, and am accepting
them joyfully?
Am
I in line with how God measures success, or do I try to live up to my
own or other people’s expectations? Do I define my self-worth in
terms of my accomplishments or my character? What cause, issue, or
calling am I passionate about? Is it from God, from my own ambition,
or imposed by others? Am I more concerned about personal satisfaction
and happiness or how I can serve and encourage others? What were the
darkest events or periods of my life? Did I grow through them or did
they set me back? Do I see God’s hand in them for my good?
The
closer I came to the top of my chronological mountain, the more
time-sensitive my self-evaluation becomes. I ask myself:
From
the perspective of an average life span, how many physically,
mentally and spiritually productive or alert years might
realistically lie ahead of me? In view of that, on what priorities
should I focus? What “things of the world” or “cares of life”
hinder my pursuit of eternal values and sap my time and strength?
What could I eliminate or limit? Is there anything significant I am
missing in my life? Should I still go for it or accept its absence?
What
benefits and bonus blessings has God given me at this time of my life
for which I should specifically thank Him? Is my life characterized
by joy and optimism or by complaint, negativism, defeat, depression,
or regrets? Do I have a grateful, contented heart toward God, or am I
frustrated about unfinished work, unfulfilled goals, broken dreams,
or unsatisfactory relationships? Is Christ truly still the center of
my life, or am I focused on a cause, a ministry, a person, or my own
desires? Am I satisfied with what I have become and with what God in
His omniscience decided to paint on the canvas of my life?
Such
questions go to the core of my authentic self, my inner person, my
eternal spirit created by God. I struggle over the honesty of my
answers and what they expose of my inner life. My answers stir me to
redeem the time God is still allotting me. Some answers cause me to
shout with a grateful heart when I see how wisely God is leading me,
especially when I have been prone to go off on detours. So often He
lovingly jerks my leash and sometimes not so gently guides me into
His best ways. Always I am energized by God’s absolute goodness and
sovereign work in my life.
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