RELAX--TRUST ME!

I confess that although I have written and published many books, I am really quite computer-challenged. New generations of software are difficult to keep up with in one's advanced years. 

Unfortunately, I never had any instruction in computer basics. I write by the seat of my pants and rely heavily on my sons and also my grandchildren to "come show Grandma how to do this." More than occasionally I get myself in over my head. 

Rather than falling deeper into the mire of the computer pit that I have somehow caused, I call my son Rick who is the webmaster, provider, creator, and maintainer of all my hardware and software systems. I plead, “Please come rescue me!” In my impatience, I want Rick to come immediately to deliver me from my predicament.

Busy as he is, he assures me he will come “in the fullness of his time.” Sometimes he doesn't even come in person to my writing studio. He is able to help me from wherever he is, at work or elsewhere, by cyberspace magic. 

First, usually by cell phone, he lovingly chastises me for being careless in managing my documents, or failing to follow his previous instructions, or God forbid, to have done something that made me sure I permanently “lost” some documents or folders. He assures me that is not possible. So I dutifully confess and acknowledge my ignorance and probable wrongdoing. Then he tells me from his location at a distance to sit back in my computer chair, visualized some peaceful scene, and keep my hands off the keyboard, relax, and let him handle the problem. Gladly I comply!

I gaze in awe and wonder at the monitor display watching the cursor move here and there seemingly by itself as if by magic searching for the solution without my touching it. Often it probes deep into the invisible-to-me squiggly brain and heart of my computer where the “language” is not even intelligible to me. All without my help! All from a distance controlled by someone unseen, someone wiser and more capable than I, someone whom I trust with my welfare who is working for my good. Always, “in due time,” the mission is accomplished! Sigh of relief, gratitude expressed, and a second chance (or third or fourth or tenth chance) for a new beginning.

Mistakes, errors, faults, wrong decisions, unwise judgments, foolish actions, foul-ups, and sins are not confined to any one calendar season of life. I am as prone to make life blunders in my advanced years, when I am supposed to have accumulated some wisdom, as I was in my youth. I am still learning that if I try to fix or solve some of my self-caused life dilemmas, I dig myself in still deeper and create a worse mess. I end up in despair. At times I have been afraid that my plight was unfixable.

David the king and psalmist was always getting into major muddles. I echo his distress. I also have to “call unto the Lord in my distress” (Psalm 18:6) with the result that “He rescues me.” “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). I admit my need and inability. I confess my impatience to be delivered. “But I am afflicted and needy; hasten to me, O God! Thou art my help and deliverer; O Lord, do not delay” (Psalm 70:5). 

I hope that I am finally coming to the point of trust. “In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid” (Psalm 56:4). The Lord who is all-wise, whom I can't see, bids me relax and trust Him and let Him work on my behalf. 

I lean back and gratefully watch Him take over.

(From Leona's chapter "Wordsmithing on my Summit" from her forthcoming book)